Rudest Guest Award

I work at Perkins Restaurant and Bakery. Sometimes I work mornings when the little old couples come in with their very specific orders of "extra crispy hashbrowns made without oil or grease." FYI, it's impossible to fry hashbrowns without butter/oil/grease/etc. Sometimes I work late a night when incredibly drunk people come in. They orders are more along the lines of, "Damn girl you sexy and fluffy. I want the breakfast with ALL THE GRAVY ON IT!" In other words, I deal with varying degrees of crazy customers, and yes, there are always the normal, nice guests who don't need any special modifications to their food and who tip well.

However, this evening I encountered a man who quiet possibly takes the cake in rudeness. I got to work at 3pm, and it soon became unexpectedly busy. Not overwhelming but I was the only server on, and at that time of day, everyone wants pie and dessert, which means extra work for me. I soon noticed an older gentleman with a walker making his way to the back of the restaurant (which just so happened to be a closed section that wasn't being seated at all). He sat himself down at a booth, and I made my way over to get his beverage order and ask if he needed to see a menu.

"I'll get you a menu in just a minute. Can I get you a coffee, coke, or an ice tea?" I asked.

He barked back, "I want a coffee, but I don't want one of them big pots, and I don't want to pay $2.something for it either."

"I'm sorry, but we only have one price for coffee even if you just drink one cup. I can bring you something else, maybe a water if you don't want to pay for a drink."

"I don't want any of that. Just bring me a cup of coffee and don't charge me the $2.29."

I was confused. I smiled and said, "I'll see what I can do." I then proceeded to go to my manager and ask if there was any way to not charge this man full price for a single cup of coffee. She went to talk to him and returned a moment later telling me to bring him water. I did so.

He took the menu from me. "You shouldn't have sent her over here. You're not no waitress. I used to wait tables and you're not no real waitress."

This is not me. I am NOT a "real waitress."

At this point, I was offended both by his attitude and his terrible grammar. I really dislike when people use double negatives! Still, I simply asked, "Do you need a couple minutes with the menu?"

Then the man got sassy. "Do you need a couple minutes with the menu?" he repeated in a falsetto imitation of my voice, "Lalananomanoma."

I am pretty sure I stood there with my mouth open for a minute, shocked that he was literally making fun of me. I'm usually pretty easy-going and like to joke with my tables, but this man wasn't joking. I gave him a few minutes with the menu and tended to my other tables, still in disbelief.

I came back and he ordered the 55+ Classic Egg Favorites. This meal requires 4 questions (with several sub question possibilities): 1) bacon or sausage? 2) how would you like your egg? 3) hashbrowns, breakfast potatoes, or fruit? and 4) toast, pancakes, or a muffin?

I had barely made it through question 3, when he cut me off, "You're missing something." He read his menu carefully, "You missed a question."

I barely kept my cool, but I smiled, "Yes, I know, I'm getting to that. Now would you like toast, pancakes, or a muffin?"

"You got biscuits?"

"Oh yeah, we can do biscuits if you want."

"I want biscuits."

I got to the back and shook my head, laughing a little at my luck. I informed my manager of his impersonation, and we didn't know whether to be offended or laugh. I rang in his food. We had one of our fasted cooks on so it was done in no time. I took it out to him.

He stared at the food for a moment. "Where are my hot cakes?" he asked grumpily.

At this point, I was just hoping he wouldn't imitate me again or insult me further, so I recoiled, "I'm sorry, I thought you said you wanted biscuits. When I asked 'pancakes, toast, or a muffin', I thought you asked for biscuits instead."

"You never asked me that," he said a bit angrily, "I want hot cakes."

"Okay, no problem. I'll take the biscuits back and have some pancakes made."

=

 
His order was corrected, he never needed a refill on his water, and he did not want dessert. I, thankfully, dropped the check for $6.41 with him, and (after being forced to bring him his walker, which he had left up front) I said goodbye.

I was left thinking he was just a grumpy, slightly strange. lonely, old man when the host came up to me. He informed me that he had left payment on the table, but he had only left $6.00. He couldn't even pay the full bill, and he left not tip! Okay, maybe I wasn't the best server he's ever had or even a "real waitress" apparently, but I couldn't believe he wasn't able to fork over an additional $0.41 to pay for his meal.

It was the strangest, most off-putting encounter I've experienced in awhile, and I've encountered some crazy/strange/rude/hilarious people in my 5 years as a server.